Reflex
by Sky Blue Raven
Summary: Holding on is a reflex, because we're afraid that a part of us will be lost.


_Raven-chan: Hey guys! First one-shot for Natsume and Mikan. __ Hope you enjoy. :D Dedicated to my friends Anna and Andrea. ;)_

_Disclaimer: Alice Academy is made by Higuchi Tachibana-sensei. I am a mere fan._

_Note: I suggest you listen to Love Song by 311 near the end of the story. It will inspire you a bit. _

**Reflex**

_Holding on is a reflex, because we're afraid that a part of us will be lost._

A soft pink petal fell on my nose, and I got awakened from my light sleep. I opened my eyes, my manga dropping on my lap, abruptly making my eyes face intense brightness from the sun. I blinked twice or thrice, and then looked away. A green dot was stuck in my sight, probably due to too much staring at the sun.

I just sat there, with my back to the trunk of the sakura tree, enjoying the quiet of the moment. I could've used my time reading manga, or thinking of something else, but instead I thought of _her._

Chocolate orbs with a tinge of amber, rosy lips curved into a smile, pink adorning her soft cheeks, and her hair so annoyingly restrained and made into pigtails. It looks better with freedom, flowing down her back to her waist.

Then she would shout my name from afar, her eyes sparkling as if she looked for me for a long time. Her hand would wave from left to right frantically, expressing her excitement. The next second, as clumsy as she is, trips on a rock and somehow makes her way to me.

And that's just what happened now.

"Oi, Polka. You klutz, get your ugly face off my chest, you're drooling on me."

Rude, I know. But it's been a habit of mine to express special feelings through hate.

"NATSUME~! I was NOT drooling on you!" That's what she would say all the time I tease her about being graceless. She would place her soft hands on my chest, pushing herself away from me. How I wish it weren't so.

"Admit it." I would say stoically, but playfulness would be evident in my scarlet eyes. Her pink cheeks would be tainted by a deep red color, her eyebrows would furrow then she'll shout at me ever so loudly.

"YOU NASTY FOX! You're so full of yourself!"

I would retort with a sarcastic comment with a smirk, but my eyes would trail past hers and down to her red lips. Thank God for her naivety, for she never notices what I feel for her.

As usual, we would bicker about anything under the sun, our opinions clashing against each other.

Everything. Everything about us would contrast. Dark against light. Moon versus the sun. Night to day. Black on white.

Just when I had lost my will to live, she appeared unexpectedly. She's just so unpredictable.

I would get tired of hearing her throw insults at me (though it never ceases to amuse me), and then our lips would mesh. Mine would meet hers. And just like yin and yang, we're opposites. And we're bound forever.

A year later, I found myself hurrying to her house. It was our anniversary, and I know how much she'll worry if I don't get there on time. So I double my pace, hoping to make it before the clock's hand points to seven in the evening.

It's funny how at one moment, you have everything. The next thing you know, all you have is nothing.

Because that's just how I felt. I felt as if a blink later, everything was gone.

Getting hit by a car would make you feel that way.

And all fades to darkness. As strong as I am, I found myself succumbing to it like being sucked into a black hole.

This is the funnier part. Life is such a big irony. Everything was white once I opened my eyes. Everything seemed to be right, yet so wrong at the same time. The reason? Simple.

She was crying next to me.

Soft sobs were enough to give me heartache, and even though my neck hurt like hell, I turned towards her. I felt..warm. Strange for someone who's not going to last any longer.

Warmth enveloped my hand, with hers enclosing mine. A blanket was put atop my body, covering all of my injuries. Broken ribs, broken bones, broken everything.

But what hurt the most was the broken heart. And her tears did nothing to stop the heartbreak.

"O-Oi.. Ichigo kara, why the hell are you.." I coughed, crimson liquid staining the white sheets. "C-c-crying..?" I couldn't speak, but I had to. I'd leave this world with my body spent, I'd leave this world happily knowing she's beside me.

She fixed her gaze at me, and the crack on my heart seemed to worsen. It was as if summer froze and turned to winter. Her brown orbs that often showed bliss met my red ones with immeasurable depth of sadness.

"N-Natsume.. I'm so glad you're awake.." She squeezed my calloused hand, and she bit her lip to refrain herself from making sounds that would provoke her tears further.

"Tch. You don't l-" I coughed again, more blood spoiled the blanket. "L-look glad." I continued, my voice barely audible.

"You idiot! Don't you know how worried I am..! The d-doctor said.. H-He said—" She wasn't able to resume what she was about to say, for she broke down before me, violent tremors shook her body due to her weeping.

"Didn't th-that freaky invent—or tell y-you..that you l-look uglier th—an usual when you c—ry?" I teased her, but the expression on my face was different than the standard. My brows were creased together, my eyes pleading for her to stop her crying, and a soft smirk assured her that everything's going to be okay.

Tsk. What a liar I am.

"Natsume.. Even at this sta-te you have the strength t-to say th-those thing—s!" She hiccupped in between words, disrupting her flow of speech. Her free hand wiped her tears, as she smiled. But it wasn't the least bit genuine. It was more like forced.

Her eyes showed weakness. But without weakness there couldn't have been strength. It showed fear, too. But contained courage that outdone it.

"What's going to happen now..?" She whispered softly while looking at my pale white hand as she caressed it with her slender fingers.

"I don't know.."

That wasn't sarcastic; I seriously didn't know. The future before me was unclear, and to be honest I don't know if that future is with her.

My grip on her hands started to loosen. My body felt numb, like being injected with anesthesia that coursed in every vein that I had. I heard my heart; it was beating slower than customary, softer than normal. I didn't stand suddenly, but it was almost like I had vertigo with the way my eyesight blurred.

Her back straightened. She was alarmed by my behavior, obviously.

"Natsume! What's happening to you? You told me that you'd protect me forever.. You told me that you'd never let go of my hand.. So why are you being like this?"

Once again, her tears welled up, dropping on my cold—yet warm—hands. Drip, drip, drip. And my heart went rip, rip, rip. Poetic, dramatic. But that's life when you're down and about to die.

I smiled weakly, and answered.

"I won't.. And I'm planning to k—" Stupid cough. "—eep that promise."

"Keep it! Keep it when you're not with me at all!"

I raised my right arm shakily, and poke her forehead with a simple flick of the finger. "B-Baka.."

"Natsume.. I love you."

I looked in her eyes, and she knew. She knew what I feel for her. What I always will.

"Saying those three words would make it harder for you."

She nodded, and more tears dropped to my hands.

"B-But.. Yo—u kn—ow, don't you..? How I fe—el?.." Not even coughs would stop me from saying these things. I'm determined 'til the end.

She nodded again, this time furiously. She tightened her hold on my hand, afraid to let go, afraid that I'll vanish.

I looked around, and saw my gift resting on the bedside table. I gazed at it, giving her the idea to open it. And open it, she did.

"M-Marry me..?" I asked. What a way to propose.

She smiled, not the fake one. The smile that I've loved all these years.

"Yes. Yes I do, Natsume.."

"Why do those tears keep on falling, Mikan?" I rarely called her by her name. But this was one of those situations when I do so. I raised my right arm once again, before it's completely ridden of working nerves. My thumb unsteadily wiped her tears, and I brought her face near mine.

For the last time, our lips sealed. Her warm breath fanned my face, and I was smitten by her beauty. Intoxicating.

Before my eyes completely closed, I mouthed to her,

_I love you, forever._

_However far away, I will always love you._

_However long I stay, I will always love you._

_Whatever words I say, I will always love you._

_I will always love you._

_Raven-chan: It's just something I wrote at the spur of the moment. I know that the conflict is jumping, and it __**is **__rushed, so don't bother flaming me of my flaws here. Oh, Anna and Andrea, sorry for killing Natsume off. __ I was inspired, so.. Hehe._

_Please leave a review. Thanks._


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